i’ve been sat at my laptop for the last 5 hours writing and re-writing this post. wondering if it was the right thing to share. but then i just hit publish. so here goes. forgive me for my all-over-the-place-ness.
boy oh boy.
you know when i posted forrrreevvveeerrr ago about life + lemons? well rather than handing them to me, life kinda recently chucked them. i think they had thorns in them too because i was scratched. and then it stung.
like a lot.
i know, i know. i’m dramatic. drama queen. hypochondriac if you must.
the past few of months i have felt that i’ve been surrounded by a lot of darkness. so much so i felt like i couldn’t and wouldn’t ever break free.
but then on saturday morning i realised something. or rather, something awoke in me. and i said to my self “e do so”. which is krio (pigeon english) for “it is enough”.
when you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
harriet beecher stowe
i had this enormous feeling that i needed to pray. like really pray. so i did. then i got up and had the most productive saturday i’ve had in over 3 months.
i must apologise for not explaining all that has been happening. i can’t put it into words yet, because basically, i do not understand. so for now i am sharing what has happened in between and afterwards.
i need to express how grateful i am for friends.
friends who noticed a change in my facebook activity (facebook!!!) and they decided to call. friends who, without knowing what i needed ,planned weekend getaways, weekly lunch and girls-night-in dinner.
for the texts and the emails. oh the emails. you know who you are.
thank you. even though that doesn’t seem enough.
when we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. the friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.
henri j.m. nouwen
when you feel like you are in the deepest darkest corner of life, that fighting doesn’t seem worth it anymore, a friend who reaches out, even in the smallest of ways is, one of the most powerful things that i have not only learnt, but experienced.
and forever have been changed by it. because now i know how i can be that friend.
i want to leave you with this these two images. because they fill me with so much joy.
we have a new princess in the family. and she is absolutely owns that crown.
she’s my 5 year old niece who stole a big chunk of my heart. now and forever.
here’s to breaking down those walls. here’s to family and friends. here’s to finding solace in the darkest of times.
if for a while, the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. so it has been with the best people who ever lived.
jeffrey r. holland