letting go and more lipstick

2014, Januray

i’ve had serious writer’s or should i, blogger’s “block” recently.

i’ve started, typed, deleted and repeated different lines, sentences to adequately describe what i’m feeling, or what’s been going on in my mind.

the connection that occurs between thoughts and fingertips has been non-existent for a few days. you should see me at work.

it might be partly due to that fact that as of january this year i became a guest blogger on world light review, a thought-provoking blog that covers everything from literature to faith and family, art and music to film and social commentary. i felt honored to be asked to contribute to such a positive space, then i came to write my first all-inspiring post and nothing. absolutely nothing. the founders of the blog have been patient with me, allowing me some time to get my thoughts together but perhaps its the desire of wanting to write something epic and fearing that i will fail is what is holding me back.

a bit silly if you ask me. yet. i. can’t. seem. to. get. started.

this is me tonight.

photo

hot cocoa, my laptop and my thoughts {and shoes} for the last 3 hours.

i’m also freaking out about life. just a little. ya know, deciding on when to move back to england. whether it was the right choice for me in the first place. and dating. oh where do i begin. it’s complicated and not-so-complicated all at the same time. my career? i’m not sure i want to stay in marketing anymore *gasp*. i know. marketing is all i have known for the last 10 years. and what do i feel passionately enough about to switch to? at this moment i. have. no. idea.

what’s going to happen in 2014? i. have. no. idea.

too much? probably.

unnecessary pressure on myself? most likely.

and my brother’s voice just came right into my mind “relax”.

i’m letting go of the reigns and just looking up to say, “ok i’m not sure i get what’s going on, and i can’t seem to make a concrete decision right now, so i’m leaving it up to You.”

i’m a worrier and a little ocd when it comes to planning my life. so when things don’t work out as i thought they would, or as i planned, i get slightly frustrated. letting go is hard, but feels like the right thing to do right now before i spontaneously combust.

all i know is i’ll be heading home this year for sure. i will living in london. i will be visiting new york,  houston, paris, brussels, prague and stockholm…actually i’m not entirely sure about the last two.

talking of which, i will be in houston next thursday and i am very excited to see some family {cousin and aunts}.

you know i mentioned i wanted to wear more lipstick in 2014? i started off by buying mac’s lustre lipstick in syrup. and it’s divine.

Lipstick

it’s an everyday color, which i have been looking for, for what seems like a very long tedious 6 months to a year. i just couldn’t find the right natural/nude color for my skin tone. anyway wearing more lipstick was inspired by meg from the m{squared}story blog.

this blog post is all over the place tonight. i apologize but i’m kind of ok with it too.

here’s to letting go and more lipstick.

m.

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