a letter to my readers {day 31}

2013, July

dear readers

dear reader,

this is for you. a thank you for joining me on this journey of self-discovery/self-realization and complete and utter randomness. thank you for your comments, encouragement and laughter. thank you for agreeing with me, letting me know i’m not alone, and disagreeing with me. thank you for your understanding and for your patience. i am growing as a blogger and without you {who read this, share, comment etc. etc.} i’m not sure i would feel comfortable calling myself a blogger. blogging everyday this month has helped me understand that it’s okay to be truthful. it’s okay to be vulnerable. depicting an ever happy-go-lucky life would be unfair.

for those of you who have just joined in on this madness i welcome you! let’s take this self-discovery journey together. besides, i really like that idea.

part of today’s post was to answer a question from a reader.  this was the question i picked:

 “i would like to hear how you keep yourself organized so well and do great things and projects with work and school on top of them?”

^^ i’m not that organized. so when it comes to my life i might look organized but it’s mainly because i almost go ocd on planning my day or week otherwise i tend to panic, stress, over-think, worry and all of the above. 
^^ with that being said i would describe my life as an organized mess.
^^ for many of the life changing/don’t look back type decisions i make {like moving from the uk to utah on my own}, my main motivations are a combination of “i don’t want to look back and think shoulda/woulda/coulda” and “what i am going to lose?” and this one from the movie we bought a zoo “it only takes 20 seconds of bravery”.

don’t get me wrong, i am not organized, meticulously planning or doing projects all day everyday. i have spent numerous saturdays watching 24 or prison break for 7 hours back-to-back, or stayed out till silly o’clock at night to over-indulge in ice-cream even though i have to be up at 6.30am on the morning.

this being organized thing i work at everyday.

m.

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react to this term — letting go {day 30}

2013, July

i can’t quite believe it’s day 30 already. where did july go?

letting go is a tricky one for me. i tend to hold on to things, from mistakes i have made in the past to people who have hurt me {and who i have hurt}. sometimes i wish memories could be erased of such things.

time

where i have been and where i am is literally like night and day. and now that i am in so much light i wonder why i waste time reflecting on that dark place , wondering over and over again why i took myself to that place. and then my memories take me back. like i didn’t get enough the first time round. but this sums it up well:

“abundance is a process of letting go; that which is empty can receive”
bryant h. mcgill

how much more can i receive if i just let go? probably a whole lot more. i can enjoy many more of life’s experiences if i let go. sometimes i do feel like it’s an uphill battle; of forgiving myself, of forgiving others. some of the pain and mistakes still scar my life today. but i guess that’s the challenge of it all. letting go when the scars may burn from time to time.

to me letting go is a process. one step at a time. whether it takes days or years, one step at a time is all i have.

m.

days 26, 27, 28 & 29

2013, July

um hi there. it has been a crazy busy couple of days hence no blog posts. so hello catch up post!

day 26: just pictures

read me guess what driving blue!

 

day 27: a goal i am working towards
no soda/fizzy pop for 90 days starting august 1st.

day 28: my top 3 worst traits
1. i’m either really busy or utterly lazy. i need to find a middle ground.
2. sometimes i spend too much time worrying.
3. i’m bossy.

day 29: a favorite
i love going out to eat with friends. it’s mostly the company but when it’s great food it’s even better. my favorite soup {in the absolute history of ever} is the butternut squash soup from blue lemon.

friends
blue lemon

m.

read, share, discuss {day 25}

2013, July

i try to stay away from sharing and discussing videos like this. but when i watched it yesterday i was intrigued {also today’s challenge is to find something online, share and discuss}.

i’ve always known that we never get the full picture when it comes to the media. this isn’t about race, or even the stand your ground law. this is about what we, as a people, are told, read and see vs. truth.

i’m having trouble uploading the link here on my blog, so i’ve publicly posted it on my facebook wall. check it out here. it’s definitely a must watch.

i am far from a journalist or knowing the ins and outs of journalism, but this seems far more journalistic than what we see on our “news” channels. why oh why do we not get this kind of information on any news report? especially in cases like this, the media portray it to look a certain way. is it bad to reveal truth? the mass public are then outraged and demand “justice” when we don’t actually know what occurred.

i’m not sure there’s a way to resolve this. this whole truth vs. the media thing. i’ll include the word honesty in that too. i sometimes feel that all of us as a people need to stand up to the media. perhaps one day.

m.

my lot in life {day 24}

2013, July

i got stood up last night. second time by the same guy. i was a little annoyed which followed on to today so i went and got my nails did.

shellac nails

it was shellac and it was amazing. got a hand massage and everything. then i saw that my friends ben & jerry were on sale for $2.99 and i couldn’t resist…half baked ice cream and red velvet cake ice cream came home with me. i’m about to go chill out with some friends and eat till my hearts content.

i’m 28 and still single. really, it’s not that big of a deal. in the grand scheme of things. but in a church where marriage and family is a big part of what is taught, the pressure from people {might i add expectations} can sometimes get a bit much. i didn’t choose to be single. and my oh my has my dating life been an adventure. from being stood up {there’s a first time for everything}, to getting charged for a date {i thought he had asked me out, he took it as a “business meeting”}.

coming to utah i’ve heard people ask if it’s because i want to get married. well i moved here for several reasons, which of course include a bigger dating pool {for mormons anyway}. some of this stuff has been said behind my back…really people my life is not that exciting to gossip about. the common thought is, if you move to utah you’ll get married quickly. what people don’t know is i’m kinda picky. and it’s obviously not the right time.

anyway every time i have been home to the uk, and actually even while i’ve been here my mum gets the question “so… is there anyone yet?” or “are you dating yet?” i know, i know. people only mean good by it because they want to see me get married etc. etc. and i think it’s lovely that they ask. because people care. but sometimes, just sometimes, its gets too much. and sometimes i wonder if something is wrong with me for not being one of the “married with kids” crowd. sometimes i look at pictures of my friends who got married years ago and feel a little left behind.

however, interestingly enough, most of the time i don’t see being single as being “my lot in life”. there are many things i have been able to experience because of where i am at.

so i’m going to stuff my face with ice-cream and enjoy some time with great friends. which i have to say i am a very lucky girl in that area; i have superb friends. married and not. in the us, uk and else where. yes, i’m pretty darn lucky.

m.

the gift of siblings {day 23}

2013, July

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this guy. he’s my best friend, my listening ear, he puts up with my crankiness, bossiness, craziness and overbearingness. he makes me laugh. i can tell him my secrets and they stay right there.

// when i was 5 and he was 3 he went to the hospital to have a minor operation. i clearly remember crying/booing/wailing thinking baby brother was going to die.
// when we were in primary school some”bully” kid punched my brother in the face {my brother didn’t want to be friends with him so naturally he punched him}…i ran up to the other end of the playground where they were and yelled at the top of my lungs. i wanted to punch this kid in the face, my friend had to hold me back *true story*
// there was a time when my brother was too cool for school and didn’t want to hang out with me. i was kinda sad. we had mutual friends and all.
// then this miraculous time {after his lds mission} he was actually okay with being seen in public with his big sis. so we hung out. like flying to sweden, parties on a boat, fun fairs, randomly driving around london etc. etc.
// he was kinda annoyed with me for moving to utah. but i know i have his full support.
// his favorite words of support: “be cool” + “it is what it is” + “just chill innit” — that pretty much sums up his advice on everything. and you know what? it works.
// he knows full well that whoever he eventually picks to marry has to go through a rigorous approval process from me {which may or may not be worse than my parents}

m.

songs that put me in a good mood {day 22}

2013, July

firs off, congrats to prince will {one is} and kate middleton on the birth of their baby boy! aww it does make me feel all patriotic and stuff. the royal family are a huge part of british history and culture. it really is history in the making.

music

here are a few songs that put me in a good mood. some of these evoke memories from my childhood, some of these make me wanna get up and dance. while others make me feel like everything is going to be okay.
// gyptian ft nicki minaj — hold ya
// justin timberlake — mirrors
// rod stewart — maggie may
// take that — rule the world
// florence + the machine — shake it out

m.

my favorite posts {day 21}

2013, July

if you’ve read my “about” section you’ll know i have indeed started 2/3 blogs over the last two years and my most recent before this one was the definition of vogue {i just struggled to find a blog that fit}.

so i’m combining my favorite posts from that blog and this one to share with today’s challenge.

// travel in style. since i moved to utah travelling comfortably from here to london is an absolute must. especially with a 13 hour flight journey.
// erin jones and britnee b. every friday i would do a feature friday post, focusing on one fashionista. i love these two girls. they were in my sales class last semester and i adore their style.
// also part of my feature friday posts were fashion interviews. here are three of my favorites, all of which are london college of fashion graduates; heba elemara, hazelle moscrop, and nikita karizma who styled the finalists on x factor uk 2011.
// when i found this on pinterest i burst out loud. literally out loud.
// my first post on this blog back in february. i appreciated the love!
// this get real post was the first time i’ve opened up about anything personal on such a public forum.

happy mnday!
m.

my bucket list {day 20}

2013, July

i love bucket lists. i didn’t start making one until i was 23/24 but it’s one of those things that is continuously evolving. there is so much i want to do…and there doesn’t seem to be enough time…

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here are just a few things:
// buy a villa a greece
// live in italy for a year
// spend 3 months at an indian yoga retreat
// get a book published
// sew a full outfit {all by myself}
// start at least 2 businesses in the next 3 years
// complete a half marathon {if you know me you know i hate running}
// drive from west to east coast in the usa
// go onto the ellen degeneres show
// when i’m married with littlies, design and build our home {well have someone else actually build it}
// build a home for my parents in sierra leone
// meet justin timberlake
// put on a charity fashion show in salt lake city

and there’s more but some are a little more personal and i’m not yet ready to share, you know, with the internet. what’s on yours?

m.

favorite holiday(s) {day 19}

2013, July

i love going on holiday {or going on vacation in american}. to be honest most of my holidays have been city breaks. there is just so much to see. every now and then i’ll love a beach holiday. being from the uk, going on holiday to spain, portugal, greece or france is fairly easy and not too expensive either. i’m not gonna lie, i kinda miss that!

anyway i couldn’t possibly list just one favorite…so here are my top 4. each for a different reason.

1. faliraki, rhodes {greek island}: this was my first holiday with the “gyal dem” {you might want to google that term}. i’d just graduated from university, i was working full time and in england you get on average 25 vacation days a year…yeah, now i get 8…EIGHT…yeah. anyway it was a hot summer in greece that year and one of the most memorable things was meeting four hilarious italian guys {there were four of us}. they were your typical italians and they kinda followed us the whole week and we may or not have pretended we were the girl group mysteeq {british band}. best moments? they called a towel a “sand tissue” and couldn’t get two of our names right, my friend jocelyn was “jacklyn” and my other friend ngozi was “jessica” — don’t ask me how they got from ngozi to jessica…

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also these girls also surprised me right before i left to go on my lds mission and took me to diseyland paris. it. was. amazeballs.

2. rome, italy: i’m not even sure i can just say rome. i adore italy. i’ve also been to milan and naples. it’s the fact that it’s such an amazing and beautifully historic country. i only have photos from milan and even then, i had a old blackberry so not the best quality. i had wanted to start a footwear company and so travelled to lake garda, just a few hours north of milan, to attend a footwear tradeshow. it was best experience, even if i told a stranger {who i thought worked for the train station} where my hotel was, as i thought he was going to help me get there for free. i was on my own and well. ditsy. i would like to think this was quite a few years ago. nope. it was in january 2011.

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3. nairobi, kenya: my dad used to work for UNHCR which is the united nations high commissioner for refugees. so he lived out in kenya for about 7 years, while we lived in england. both my parents didn’t want to root my brother and i out of school…but it was not easy. anyway one of the many perks of that time was going out to see him nairobi! the city itself was such a great experience, but to top it off my dad surprised us and took us on a safari! it was absolutely incredible. i mean who doesn’t want to hang out with timone, pumba and the crew for week? we went in december, so spent christmas eve there with the masai mara. imagine. a warm summer-like evening with crab, lobster and other delightful food on the grill and tables, with a masai mara tribe singing traditional songs and inviting the whole camp to join in. when i say camp i actually mean log-like cabins with fancy bedrooms and bathrooms. a memorable moment? the monkeys jumping on our tent-like roof every morning and the wart-hogs {i think they were pumba’s cousins} chilling by the pool 24/7.

4. freetown, sierra leone: possibly saved the best till last. my brother and i were born in a town called makeni in sierra leone, a west african country. when i was four years old we moved to england as my dad was going to do his masters.  just a short time after that the civil war broke…for the next 10+ years we couldn’t go back. it was either too unstable or flights were not going in and out of the country. finally though, in 2001, we were able to go home. i couldn’t remember anything because i was so young. it was blissful. seeing my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. i’d never felt so much belongingness. that’s not a word. but it felt incredible to be getting hugs from my grandma and grandpa. i couldn’t get enough. my brother weeped as we took the flight back the uk. he was a 14/15 year old teenager but being home like that. gosh. incredible doesn’t really cover it. when you think of africa, do you think of this?

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maybe, maybe not. but this is sierra leone. gorgeous isn’t it?

m.